Prime VideoI mostly enjoyed the Legally Blonde prequel series, Elle, as a fun and frivolous teen comedy — until it turned into a personal attack. At the end of Episode 6, as Elle Woods contends with her new identity in Seattle, her mom delivers a world-shattering bombshell: Elle is *not* a Gemini like she’s always believed, but a Cancer. As someone who shares the future lawyer’s June 21 birthday, I immediately related to her astrological breakdown.The Ultimate Birthday BetrayalGrowing up, I was told my entire life that I was a Cancer. This is technically true due to my evening birth time, since the sun transitioned from Gemini to Cancer at around 10 a.m. on my birthday. (Side note: Elle’s zodiac swap is a major show plot hole. Her canonical birth time of 12:01 a.m. would absolutely still make her a Gemini.) Yet none of these technicalities matter when you discover just how close you are to the razor-thin line separating Geminis and Cancers.Learning about my proximity to this arbitrary cut-off time triggered a genuine identity crisis. All my life, I’d been reading Cancer horoscopes. I blindly ascribed my love of the water to being born under the sign of the crab. Even my name, Dylan, is Welsh for “son of the sea” — a fact a colorful sign in my childhood bedroom constantly broadcasted. Now, I was being told that a few measly moments might have made me something completely different.Prime VideoSurviving The Tumblr Gemini Slander EraThis realization hit hard, mostly due to the unhinged Gemini jokes that ruled Tumblr during my formative years. In the early 2010s, the platform harbored a widespread trend of hating on Geminis. It instilled the idea that Gemini was empirically the worst zodiac sign, and the universe was suddenly hinting that I belonged to it.The twist? I never actually related to Cancer horoscopes. They always paint the same picture of an overly emotional “mom friend” who volunteers as the designated driver or turns a casual hang into a therapy session. Instead, I saw myself more in the Gemini traits: adapting to any environment by relying on a quick wit. So, I felt like I had a Gemini personality, trapped inside a protective Cancerian shell.Channeling My Inner Lana Del ReyThis is where I must invoke the dreaded C-word, which is worse than a swear in some astrological circles: cusp. When I read about fellow June 21 cusper Lana Del Rey throwing away thousands of dollars worth of 14-karat gold Gemini jewelry after learning she’s a Cancer, I recognized my own inclination toward dramatizing this thin zodiacal line.Except unlike Lana, who immediately swapped the twins for diamond-encrusted crabs, I would never fully cut a sign from my personal constellation. I like to think I can be a Cancer when I feel like it, a Gemini if that’s the vibe, or both if I want.DEA / S. VANNINI/De Agostini/Getty ImagesThe Cosmic Reality CheckBut maybe I can’t. I’ve always viewed astrology as a welcome alternative to the hard, logical rules of science, but apparently, the stars come with their own fine print. As it turns out, most professional astrologers don’t consider cusps to be real. Your exact birth time always determines one definitive sun sign, even if it is split seconds away from another one. That means I’m strictly a Cancer, forbidden from reflecting on my chatty, chaotic Geminian ways.Can’t I just live my cusp fantasy in peace? I apologize to the astrology lovers that this may upset, but I don’t look to the stars for stringent guidelines. Identifying as a cusp simply feels right to me. And honestly, I do tend to default to feeling over fact in astrology anyway.Elle Woods seems to do it, too. Despite learning her Cancerian truth in high school, the irrepressible justice seeker still refers to herself as a “Gemini vegetarian” in law school. Because as someone who was raised with Gemini energy, it’s her right to keep identifying as one. Or not. She can always switch back to Cancer if things get a little too emotional. I said what I said.
I Lived Elle Woods’ Zodiac Crash-Out In The ‘Legally Blonde’ Prequel
